Hello. I’m a vegetarian, but…

aubergine
When I was three years old my father went vegetarian. My family and I were sitting in the garden eating a chicken, and it suddenly occurred to my father how disgusting the whole thing was. He didn’t feel bad for the chicken. Nor did he feel that it was in any way unhealthy to eat meat. The notion of eating a dead animal simply made his stomach turn. And in all fairness, if you’re sat in the garden eating a chicken – and nothing else – your attention is going to be unnecessarily drawn to the greasy carcass between your fingers. Had we been eating a chicken salad, maybe he would have been distracted enough by the vegetables not to give a freshly ground shit about the mutilated bird.

I sympathise with his choice to become a vegetarian, but only because he found eating dead animals disgusting. If someone thinks aubergines are gross and makes a healthy yet immature decision not to eat them, fine (They are gross). But if someone refuses to eat them because they think the treatment of aubergines is inhumane or they actually have some kind of vego-human bond with them, they’re an idiot. The same goes for people who don’t eat meat for the same reasons. Ok, ok, ok, “aubergines don’t have feelings” I hear you say (Only I don’t, cos I’m on my own). Aubergines do have feelings, they just don’t have faces.

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