I saw some stuff today. And since I live such an arse-wipingly boring life and have nothing interesting to say, I thought I’d do you all the displeasure of telling you all about the stuff I saw and what the stuff I saw made me think. In my head.
Item no. 1 - Canis Imbalancis
Canis Imbalancis
I spotted this specimen taking its owner for a brisk walk through the april blizzard (fuck you, Spring) by CC Vest. The dog (which at some point would have been classified as a Newfoundlander) had the hair on its head in a uniquely stylish bunch. Its back end, however, was completely shaved, save of a small chunk of fur on the end of its tail. On seeing this I started to theorise.
Theory no. 1: The owner is a total dickhead.
Theory no. 2: The owner is blind.
Theory no. 3: The owner hates his dog.
Theory no. 4: The owner has shaved the dog so as to avoid having to clean dog shit out of its arse fur.
Theory no. 5: The dog is actually two dogs – one halfway up the other one’s backside.
Theory no. 4 seemed the most likely, but led to another question – why did the owner find it necessary to shave half the dog. Is the dog troubled by some exploding diarrhea syndrome? No. That doesn’t exist. The owner is just a dickhead.
Item no. 2 Musa solo
Musa Solo
On arriving at the check-out with my dinner (the usual frozen pizza) I noticed the customer in front of me with her selection of items. Four bananas, a pot of yoghurt and a tin of Macrellytomart. Bananas have made our lives incredibly practical as they can be bought in bunches, rather than loose like apples, pears and dildos. However, instead of choosing a sensible bunch of four bananas, the customer had chosen two in a bunch and two loose ones. What a picky moron. I saw the banana display. They were all equally ripe, but she had clearly spent her valuable shopping time picking out two individual bananas to go with her attached pair. That wasn’t the only thing that pissed me off (Yeah, that’s right. I got pissed off about her bananas). The other thing that befuddled me was how she’d placed everything on the conveyor belt (that’s rullebånd). The two attached bananas were at the front. Fine. Makes sense. They were followed by the yoghurt. Ok… Then one of the loose bananas was unfairly shoved to one side, and the last one was placed neatly on top of the tin of mackerel. What is going on inside this person’s head? Did she just throw her item clumsily on the belt like some pissed-as-a-fart airport baggage handler? Or were they actually placed in this order purposefully? Either way, something was wrong with her. I’m surprised she even managed to leave the shop without spontaneously combusting.
What a Wednesday. Bring it on, Thursday!
Jævla irriterende det med bananene. Da må hun i kassen enten finne frem banankoden 2-3 ganger, eller sortere bananene sammen før hun slår inn koden. Tenk litt på de bak deg i køen for faen! Noen folk altså..
Kan det ha vært en portugisisk vannhund? http://bit.ly/halfdog :)
It was a Portuguese water dog. The Lion cut (which you saw) was traditionally used by the fishermen when the dog helped them out fishing, so the dog could easier float and stuff…however, I would think the owner didn’t look like a fisherman, but like a stuck-up showdog-owner with too much spare time on his/her hands and no kids at home, so all time kan be devoted to retaining a beautiful (or stupid?) coat and trim.
Se der, ja! Her er det noen som har gjort leksene sine.
Surely the lack of hair on the back end would make it float, while the hairy, front end of the dog would be weighed down, thus making the dog more likely to drown? Also, how was the dog helping the fisherman fish? Was he catching them in his mouth?
Yeah, I know. It sounds like a pretty fucking useless invention if you ask me.